Remember Kareena’s dialogue in Jab We Met?
“Ye jo aap gyan baat rahe hai, iske paise charge karte hai, ya ye muft ka gyan hai?
Kyuki chillar nahi hai mere paas.”
Unwanted parenting advice makes a life a lot more difficult at times.
Have you ever experienced a string of advices one after the other that suits you no more?
Most mothers complain about this unwanted parenting advice especially from mother in laws or from some well meaning close relatives.
Sometimes, it becomes a way too much when this advice follows you at social outings or get to gathers as well and then it starts getting on to your nerves.
The modern mantra for moms is, “Trust me! I am doing more for my baby than you think I do”
Thanks to the complexities and work pressures of life, the concept of mothering has metamorphosed in a lot of ways.
Mothers these days keep juggling between managing house, kids, work, cooking and what not.
But, then you need not be upset about these advices at all.
In this post, you will see a lot of ways of handling these advices which do you no good.
How to handle unwanted parenting advice from relatives and friends?
Unwanted parenting advice comes from the societal structure, culture and tradition in India.
Here, people believe that they have a right to advice others whether they want it or not.
Don’t worry!! You just need to be smart in handling them and your worries will just while away in no time.
Stay Calm and ignore
The first and the foremost thing to do is to stay calm and never get into any kind of argument.
Remember, at the end of the day it’s your call whether you actually take up the advice or not.
In such cases, just be a little tolerant and pretend to be a good listener.
Half the battle is won there as the elderly or the person advising you, satisfies his or her ego there that she is being listened to.
Keep yourself updated
These days, we may not be completely aware of the do’s and don’ts of parenting.
There is always something new to learn.
This is why; sometimes we may have to depend on the people or relatives around.
With this dependency, comes a lot of unwanted advice.
Hence, you need to read and surf a lot of genuine websites online which will tell you about every small aspect of mothering your baby.
This will build in a lot of confidence in you and you would be able to take better decisions on whether to follow those advices or not.
Be vague at times
If the advice is from your mother or mother-in-law or any other such person who you can’t ignore then just be polished and vague by telling them that yes I am learning to do it.
For example, if you are pressurized and advised for getting your baby’s hair shaved and you don’t want to do it now then your answer should be that yes I am thinking of planning one shortly.
Of course, those advices won’t stop there but sometimes giving a vague reply saves you a lot of trouble and then you could look for excuses later.
Be clear and firm
One of the major unwanted advices to a new mother is – plan another kid soon.
You are told that, “You got to have two kids else your first kid will be absolutely lonely and will have no one to depend on after growing up”.
And, your reaction would be, “Excuse me! We are still learning to cope up with the first one”.
My personal life has gone for a toss.
I am juggling between work and motherhood and tiring myself out way too much.”
Well! That’s a normal for every mother like you.
Don’t be perplexed! Remember that the control of going for the second one is only in your hands.
It is better to listen patiently in order to avoid unwanted fights and arguments and maintain peace in life.
If it gets too much then always use the vague answering technique.
Mostly people with lot of time end up advising way too much than they should be.
Let people babble and pass their time.
Focus on what you want to do and should be doing rather than what they want you to do.
As parent, you just need to maintain your sanity and just keep doing things your way.
It is okay to ignore the unwanted advices as finally it is only you who have to manage the show.
So, its better you prioritize and handle things your way.
Also, there is nothing right or wrong except the basics involved in parenting.
Rest all is just a matter of perception.
Remember the basic key to handle is to maintain your cool while interacting with people around.
Hope that helped!